WHAT TO DO DURING THE PERIOD OF COURTSHIP

Luk 14:28: "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"

This scripture explains perfectly the purpose of courtship. In courting, you sit down and count the cost.

You just can't go willy-nilly into something and hope for the best. Well, you can, no one is stopping you, but it's a good idea to have a solid plan. There is some very important groundwork you should lay before getting into a committed relationship with someone.

Most times, we are unable to do a thorough groundwork during the period of courtship for a whole lot of different reasons based on each individual. Perhaps, maybe because of some misconceptions we have grown up with. Lets quickly look at some of these misconceptions about courting.

1. Courting is not the same as dating. When you court there is an intention to marry

I have met ladies who say: "I'm not ready to marry him, just trying to gain experience."

There are many things wrong with that statement and I will show you why.

A.) Whoever you are dating now will be 90% different from who you will be getting married to later. They are different people with different experiences.

READ MORE HERE: 5 REASONS WHY DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS COURTING


B.) It will cost you --- you will spend your money, your time, your energy and your resources in something that's going no where. If you are a good entrepreneur you know that's bad business.

C.) If you get your heart broken in the process, that's heart ache you could have avoided.


2. Being in a Christian courtship does not mean you must end up marrying each other

Some folks believe that if you are in a relationship with a man, it means you must marry him and when things don't go that way they begin to raise their heads.

You court to know if that person is suitable for you spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and physically. When you have completed your observations, you and your partner can then move into proposal and engagement. Now, you are sure that he is the one you want to settle with and he can put a ring on it.

I have observed over the years that many Christians in courtship are under pressure of leaving a hurtful/unproductive relationship because of what people/church members/pastors/ will say/think or how people will see them. It's not mandatory that you marry them if they are not suitable for you. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.


3. Courtship is not a time to check how well he can perform in bed

My dear, don't turn yourself into a public toilet where anyone can come and ease himself and go.

Apart from the spiritual implications of this act, there are many physical implications too. It's better to obey God and abstain.

There are many other misconceptions about courting, but I will stop here so we can address the subject of this post.

You see, the purpose of courting is to know the person you want to marry. To have an understanding of the man or woman. To count the cost. In other words, there are things you ought to cover in order to get that groundwork for your relationship properly laid down securely.

So, exactly what should you do before you get into a committed marriage relationship with someone? Here are a few:


Look Out For The Right Things

Most of us lack foresight. We are looking for tall dark and handsome. Open teeth and dimples, V-shape and figure-8, when we ought to be looking for treasures in earthen vessels. We really should stop majoring on the minor, and lookout for those things that matters most.

David and Faith Oyedepo

The photo above is one of the old photos of Nigerian Christian author, architect, preacher, founder and presiding Bishop of Living Faith Church Worldwide- Bishop David Oyedepo and his wife. Did you see how he was looking there? But there is something that woman was seeing. She was looking beyond their present state.

Today, Bishop Oyedepo pastors a 50,000-seat church auditorium, reported to be the largest church auditorium in the world by the Guineas Book of Records, and he is also the chancellor of Covenant University and Landmark University. He was named in 2011 by Forbes Magazine as being the richest pastor in Nigeria with a net worth of US$150 million.

There is a popular and funny saying in Nigeria that, "When a woman rejects a man of vision and accept a man with television, she will end up watching the man of vision on her own husband's television."

Please don't get this saying all wrong. Is it possible to find a man that has both packages (vision and television)? Yes, it is very possible. The saying only seeks to encourage people to look for something deeper in a man or a woman.

Serita and T.D Jakes

How you also heard of how pastor, author, filmmaker and Bishop agt The Potter's House, Bishop T. D Jakes started? Looking at the photo above, some ladies would probably have said a capital "NO" if the Bishop had asked them out at that time. This underscores the very importance of not judging a man by his pocket, but by the size of his vision. Why? Because where a man is going in life is more important than his present condition.

What about gospel music maestro; Nathaniel Bassey? From the religious, to the political, to the business and to the sporting worlds, the list of men and women who rose above their present condition to become something great in life is endless.

During courting, we need to ask God to open our eyes to see the treasures he has hidden in our partner. Life is more than open teeth, pink lips and dimples. A word is enough for the wise.

READ ALSO: REDEFINING RELATIONSHIP

For those of you who have found your man or woman, don't be a carnal spouse, be a spirit filled one. Help groom those beautiful qualities in your partner. You are supposed to make him better. He is supposed to make you better.

Let him have the confidence to tell you his plans because he knows you will be his personal cheer leader.

Pro 27:17: "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."

If you have not been doing that, it's not too late to start now.


Ask The Right Questions

Courting is a time to get to know about each others purpose, plans and life assignments, and this can easily be achieved when we ask the right questions.

During courtship, you learn about who you want to marry. It is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage -- you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage.

Please, do not condone laziness and bad attitudes in a bid to look beyond the present state of your partner. If they are not willing to change, you have to do what's needful.

In Matthew 10:16, we are told to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Don't be blinded and carried away by his vision mission statement; if he isn't taking an action step towards the actualization of his vision everyday, you need to ask questions.

Ask deep questions about each other and the future. Questions like:

- What is your short term, middle term, and long term plans? How do you plan to achieve this?

- What are your spiritual and financial goals? What are you doing to accomplish them?

- How many kids would you like us to have? What happens when the kids don't come on time?

These are some of the questions you should be asking in your relationship. A man without a means or source of livelihood and who isn't working hard to get one isn't worth your time. That's laziness and you mustn't condone it. I'm not saying you should marry because of money, but marry where money is.

Remember, the period of courtship is the bridge to the stage of engagement. Be wise in counting the cost.


READ ALSO: HAVING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP